Top 9 things said to politicians that offer little comfort

9) Don’t worry about having to use the teleprompter so much, Mr. President. Sarah Palin writes notes on her hands.

8) Governor, I thought your wife’s book was boring.

7) Congressman, the boy was 18. His pictures sent to you were legal. Relax.

6) But, sir, everyone hates incumbents right now.

5) Congressman Frank, calm down. The protesters are one hundred thousand tea partiers, not tea baggers. There is no need to be so excited.

4) I am sorry, Mr. Drake, but wookies are not exempt from open container laws.

3) Senator, there is no law against voting drunk on the floor of the State Senate. Just don’t text from the State Senate floor.

2) Senator, the baby could be Jeff Goldblum’s.

1) The sex video is grainy. It is hard to tell it is you, sir.