Top 9 signs the SC General Assembly is back in session

9) All the parking places along Assembly Street are filled with SUVs sporting political bumper stickers. Especially amusing are the SUVs with stickers saying “green” things like “Think globally and act locally.”

8) Some bars in the Vista area of Columbia have to close early because they run out of whiskey and beer about two hours after the General Assembly is dismissed for the day.

7) Columbia area condom sells jump 500 percent.

6) Strange people yell at you while you are stuck in traffic on Gervais Street. As you move on in traffic, you ask yourself who is Nikki Haley?

5) Downtown Columbia traffic is further complicated by state government employees actually showing up to work.

4) Some strange man, holding a baby doll on a stick, informs you that Bobby Harrell is not really pro-life.

3) Columbia Police are called in to break up a fight between gay rights activists and confederate flag supporters. The only arrest in the matter is for indecent exposure.

2) Your regular seat at Uncle Louie’s in the Vista is filled with a rotund state senator working on his third bbq sandwich and cussing Mark Sanford.

1) Columbia is put under an air quality alert due to the high amount of methane gas found around downtown.