Top 9 reasons Romney has for his primary opponents to drop out

9) I love to fire people. Isn’t that the GOP way?

8) Come on Tea Party folks, I don’t have any Black or Gay friends. Yee-haw ya’ll.

7) Money. Money. Money. I got more money than Donald Trump and better hair than he does.

6) I made it clear I do not care about poor people.

5) Like most American workers, I too am a son of a father born in Mexico.

4) Come on who do you want as national weatherman during a big hurricane? I got Weather Channel charisma.

3) Why are these people still here? I mean, I got the money, the looks, and the organization, do you really think some quack doctor or some fat white guy from Georgia or some guy who thinks sex with his own wife is a sin can beat Obama? Good grief what do I gotta do? God help us, they all drink caffeinated beverages.

2) I am Mormon. Resistance is futile.

1) My Etch-a-sketch is better than yours.