Top 9 things we don't want to hear on Election Night

9) "Ya'll take a look at this video of the Governor-elect. See what you idiots voted in. That's her with the towel on her head. I swear to GAWD that's her. Where's my drink? Is the dog still in the car?" State Senator Jakie Knotts

8) "Take that Lucy, Charlie Brown just got himself re-elected. Trying moving that football on me again, bitch. Yeah, and tell Barber you are the real cock fighter." lovelorn Comptroller General Richard Eckstrom

7) "Wow, look at all these brown shirts. What a movement we have!" Nikki Haley

6)"....(incoherent)....(incoherent)....(mumble)...wait, you can not video tape me...(incoherent)..." Congressman John Spratt

6)"Thank you America for returning me as Speaker of the House. I have to tell you, I was running low on Zoloft. This really helps. Wait, you said Joe Wilson just won? You lie! I need a pill." Nancy Pelosi

5)"President Obama just called me, and I told him I would do for South Carolina what he has done for America." Vincent Sheheen

4)" I told Nikki to tell the SLED guys if the SUV is a rockin', don't come a knockin'" Mark Sanford

3)"What do you mean I can't hire my daughter as my chief of staff? She got me elected." Ken Ard

2)"I thank you for re-electing me, but I got to ask, does anybody other than me really want this job? Hell, I can't even have a scandal with this job." Secretary of State Mark Hammond

1) "So ladies, you chose Jim DeMint, a bad man. Well, take a look at these pictures to find out what you will be missing for the next six years. I bet you feel bad now. Yeah, you could have had that. All lady peoples want that." Alvin Greene