9) You refuse to sign any settlement agreement that does not make sure you get the Elvis collectable plates.
8) The first quality you look for in a new significant other is their willingness to “go after” your ex.
7) You see a mutual friend of you and your ex and cuss them out and threaten them for not “taking your side.” You get even angrier when that person seems not to know what the Hell you are talking about.
6) You not only fire but cuss out your attorney for not following your instructions to hire a hit man to take out your ex. That damn lawyer must be sleeping with 'em or out to get you.
5) You just cannot understand why the court and everyone else is so upset that you left your kids unattended while you spent time and smoked pot with your friend nicknamed, “the big snake.” You point out the kids were asleep anyway and you have your “needs,” and it was all just innocent good adult fun.
4) It has been ten years since the divorce or breakup, and you still park across the street from your ex’s house, taking careful notes about who comes and goes there. You send those notes to your ex in newsletter like form.
3) You spend hours writing emails and facebook messages that makes sure the world knows who your ex “really is.”
2) You decide court orders about things like visitation and orders of protection are things you really don’t need to worry about. After all, the judge who issued the order is “out to get you.”
1) You demand that the doublewide trailer home be broken back in half and you want the half with the bathroom.
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