Top 9 things a census worker should not say to you or ask of you

The 2010 Census is upon us. There has been some criticism about how the Obama Administration chose workers for the Census and there are questions about what Census workers can say to and ask of the public. Some say this Census is going to be "ACORN style." As a public service, VUI offers this TOP 9 things that a Census worker should not say to you or ask you about.

9) There is a $20 cash fee needed to make sure that your answers are filed properly with the government.

8) How many times have you had sex this month? I see. That's below the national average. But, don't worry, I can help you with that.

7) I see you have a new computer, and a HD TV. When are the people in your household normally not at home?

6) Now, sir, I need your social security number, your credit card numbers and the passwords you have on any bank accounts. It is for the government to help you.

5) Look bitch, stop worrying about the bandanna on my head and on the heads of my associates. We are sanctioned by the government. What you better be worried about is we know where you live.

4) You have high speed internet? Cool. I need to use your computer for a few minutes to download some porn, I mean important government documents to my thumb drive.

3) What do you mean you don't have $20. This is important government business. I will do you a favor and take that tv you got.

2) Mam, I know you say those are real, but the government requires me to hold and squeeze them to make sure.

1) Can you give me the names of any friends or neighbors that ever speak against President Obama? Do you know of anyone that makes fun of Mrs. Obama or Nancy Pelosi? Oh my God, I just noticed you have Sarah Palin's book in your home. Do you have a lawyer? Have you seen a doctor?